Starting Anew
I almost said starting over but that sounded like that show about talking to dead people that was so obviously fake. Anyway, while having a nice little text conversation with my dear friend Kristy, I realized that I haven’t updated this too much. I’m debating starting a couple different blogs though so I can keep this one to personal things. I know that sounds odd, haven’t posted to the regular blog in 4 months now lets have several. But i’d love to recap my favorite shows or review a recipe and that can get so confusing in a personal blog.
Regardless, that part is up for debate. For now, I am back and as soon as I go get candy making supplies I shall update in a fuller fashion.
Love Your Love the Most
I love this song so I had to put the lyrics.
I love sleeping in on Saturdays
And I love college football games
I love not acting my age
And good barbeque
Yeah I’m a fan of following the Book
And anything my mama cooks
Small mouth bass have got me hooked on Sunday afternoons
Yes, I love good cold beer
and mustard on my fries
I love a good loud honkytonk that rocks on friday nights
And hell yes i love my truck
Man I love how redman tastes
Damn I love my nascar race
Any song sung by George Strait is country at its best
I love scuffed up cowboy boots
And broken, tore-up jeans
4 wheel drive, 8 point bucks, and rocky road ice cream
Hell yes, I love my dog
And Jack D in my coke
But I want you to know
I love your love the most
Brothers and Sisters
Okay, to be fair, I’m still catching up. I just got inot Brothers and Sisters and I am completely obsessed with the show. I don’t think I’ve fallen this in love with a show since Gilmore Girls. I’ve made it through the first season but I haven’t found a store that sells the 2nd season in town yet.
I have been able to catch up on the Kevin/Scotty storyline thanks to youtube videos. Which I’m thrileld about, they are easily my favorite couple. Luke Macfarlane and Matthew Rhys blow me away. But while I know the main points, I haven’t caught all the action. Even so, with what I do know…
1) I hope Justin and Rebecca can work things out. I don’t know all the middle stuff but Rebecca really fits well with the Walkers. To be honest, I think she helps Nora a lot. And I used to hate Emily VandeCamp as an actress. Everyone went on about her in Everwood, and I never understood it. I do now. She’s absolutely lovely. Holly can die, but Rebecca is different. I’d like Justin to be happy too.
2) Kevin and Scotty. Can they please just be the incredibly odd couple on television that stays together without cheating or any major issues? Please, please, please.
3) Nora. Sometimes I want to kill her and have to remind myself that she is a mother. But I really want her and Roger to be able to work something out. I don’t like that he left his wife, but I guess they had that open relationship thing. I just hope he can begin to understand the devotion to family and she can be able to separate a little.
4) Kitty. Oh, Kitty. She worries me.
5) Sarah. Sarah needs a good man and at the same time she needs to be alone for a little while. Maybe just like 6 episodes into next season.
6) Tommy is a bastard. People can try to explain his actions all they want but I still think Tommy is a complete asshat. End of story.
7) Julia though, I love. I wish she wasn’t gone. Or maybe they can bring her back. After all, Elisabeth’s real dad still loves her. I’m not saying Kevin will go straight or anything wierd but it would be nice to keep Sarah Jane Morris is absolutely brilliant. 
Finally, I am trying desperately to believe that Ryan as the other child has shown up more because the writers wanted a half-child and the original chemistry between Emily VandeCamp and Dave Annable made it too difficult to keep Rebecca as the half-sister. Because I despise Ryan. Both the actor who plays him and the character. Ugh!
But I need to find the 2nd season and get truly caught up, then the 3rd so I can wait obsessively for the 4th season like everyone else.
Whew!
I have a lot to catch up on…cept I won’t. Because I don’t have time so I will be random in what I update.
First, I love Twitter. I think I said that recently but I really do. I’m a total creeper but its fun. Um, in related celebrity/entertainment news; I am thrilled that Kris Allen is in the finals. I think he has a decent shot at winning. Don’t get me wrong, I love Adam but Adam likes to scream which not everyone will buy an album of that. Plus, Danny Gokey got (obviously) a lot of votes. (from stupid people) But most of those stupid people are conservative Christians who will not vote for Adam Lambert. (even if their reasons are ridiculous). But yeah, I like Kris. I’m in love with the new Star Trek movie! And really, really, in love with Chris Pine. He said in an interview he would want to date an intelligent girl…I wonder if that means a girl who does more than sunbathe or a girl who can justify a reasoning for considering “The Idiot” to be Dostoyevsky’s greatest achievement? The movie did not awake a desire to watch old Star Trek’s though. Wolverine was awesome. Star Trek was better. I hate to say so but it was.
I like pink champagne and sparkling cider.
I need to find another job.
When I get another job, I want tickets to Blink-182, Green Day, Kenny Chesney, and Paramore. I want a boyfriend too but that’s another story and I don’t think a job will provide one.
I can’t believe I missed out on Friday Night Lights for so long. Great, great, great show.
I had funny stories from work but I’m bored now so maybe I’ll mention them tomorrow night. I think I’ll bring The Idiot with me and reread it. Haven’t read it in a year or so, its probably time.
Have a nice day!…Oh, and if anyone actually reads this…Are you out of your Vulcan mind?! hahahahaha! love it!
Twitter Addict
It’s official. I’m completely addicted to Twitter. It may be the greatest thing ever. Okay its not, but I’m completely in love. The thing is, I really do love snooping around in my friends (and celebrities…I can admit it) lives. If you’ve got a blog I’ll read it. 
But what I hate about facebook is that I never see updates from people I care about. Plus all the apps and photos and crap is just annoying. Myspace has music and I can personalize it so I like. But I mostly care about what’s going on in people’s lives. Call it a history major thing, I don’t know…but Twitter is perfect. Love, Love, Love Twitter. K, I’m done.
la di da and twitter too
So I’m at work. and I’m bored. But I joined Twitter today. Cept like very few of my friends are on Twitter which is so sad but it is addicting so I like. I feel slightly productive because I finished my Bible study lesson on Song of Songs and I’ll have several new recipes in my computer and I was semi healthy today. I had tuna fish pitas for my 3am lunch. Yummy! Then i’ll have some eggs and some oatmeal and lots of coffee before the orientation at Olive Garden at 9am.
Oh, and exciting times…the library book sale is today and everything is half price. which I like a lot. Um, let’s see what else. I don’t like debt. Not one bit. Nope, Nope, Nope. Course, I probably should have thought about that before I decided money grew on plastic. Well, welcome to financial responsibility! I sound boring right now…I got my Jonas brothers tickets in the mail. I’m super excited! And on that nerdy/slightly inappropriate obsession, I was also quite thrilled to hear that Zac Efron will not be playing in Footloose. I like mr. efron. I would hate to have to dislike him for redoing a role that should not be touched. Kevin Bacon was and is amazing. Nuff said! Um, yeah, and I’ve been getting tons of writing done and I feel so accomplished. I will of course feel more accomplished when it gets picked up by the CW or ABC. Note I said when. Not if. So there. (I feel like I’m posting Twitter soundbites rather than cohesive thoughts) Meh. I’m bored. And typing this is boring. I know, let’s type lyrics to McFly songs. Or not. That idea was boring pretty quick. Maybe I’ll be inspired tomorrow. right now I shall go make fresh coffee for our early morning hotel guests. and then I shall drive people to the airport. Oh so fun. (If I get tips). which I did last night. So I hope today is the same.
My Twitter is twitter.com/onlymystory – feel free to follow
Stand up even within the church
So here’s the thing. I’m not trying to encourage more fights within the church. Obviously as Christians, we’ve done that a lot. But there’s a difference between fighting over whether communion should have grape or grape/cranberry juice and if teaching is Biblical.
We act as though anything goes…homosexuality, women preaching, false ideas (I’ll go into more detail on each of these). And if something is wrong we need to stand up against that.
But I want to focus on the false ideas. See to me (and this is something I’ve been struggling with for a while), I’ve usually gone with the concept of I may disagree with someone about a doctrinal issue but its okay. We both believe in God so its good. But if we differ on the character of God as defined by His Word and actions, do we really believe in the same God?
For example, I’ve heard mentioned recently that with persistent prayer, God can change His mind. Often cited is the story of Abraham asking God to spare Sodom/Gomorrah for the sake of 50 righteous men. God says “yes to 50″. Abraham keeps asking until he’s down to 10. And for the sake of 10 righteous men, God agrees to spare the city. So people have told me that God is willing to change His mind with persistence. But I see a couple problems there. First, God said He was going to destroy Sodom/Gomorrah and He did. So no changing the mind there. Second, He was never going to change His mind. I don’t say that to imply God lied. God was willing to listen to Abraham’s concerns. But one man’s (even Abraham) complaints would never be cause for God to change His mind. Also, God knew there weren’t 10 righteous men there, so there was no issue. If you’re going to question whether God is all-knowing we’ve got bigger problems. Third, Numbers 23:19 states that “God is not a human, that he should lie, not a human being, that He should change His mind.” and 1 Samuel 15:29 “He who is the Glory of Israel does not lie or change his mind; for he is not a human being that he should change His mind.” So we have a story that has to have the idea that God will change His mind read into it. Yet 2 verses stating very clearly that God does not change His mind.
Yet the attitude that both I and so many others it seems have is one that says, no worries, you believe that God doesn’t change His mind and I’ll believe that persistent prayer can change God’s mind and since we both believe Jesus died and rose again for our forgiveness, we’re both good to go. But we believe in two very different gods!!! I believe in a God who is unchanging, meaning a God i can rely on, trust that He holds true to His promises, including His promise that His Son’s blood redeems me.
If one believes God will change His mind on one thing, then he can change His mind on anything and where, then, is the confidence that our faith is solid?
Therein lies my struggle. Just in that example I’m sure many people would wonder why I think this is a big deal. But if we believe in different Gods, then do we truly believe in the same Jesus?
I’m tired of keeping silent because it might rock the boat. I think the world should know the real Jesus. Who yes, is loving and compassionate and merciful. But who is also jealous, strict, and uncompromising. This is not a permanently warm/fuzzy relationship. Go ask your teddybear to take you to paradise if that’s what you want. Jesus calls us to a narrow road. I think that road may lead through the chruch sometimes.
So am I ready to deal with the consequences of being abrasive and standing up against the establishment? (after all, i’m going against the world and a lot of churches here) No, I’m not ready. But I’m willing. I’m willing to go with a backflip on the balance beam for my routine. To take a little risk. Because when the roll is called up yonder, I don’t want my friends to meet Jesus and hear him say, “Depart from me, for I never knew you!” I want them to hear the words “well done”.
Over It
So here’s the thing. Last week, I was in a bad mood. (obviously). Granted, I started in a decent mood at Impact and then it went to a bad mood and while I didn’t make the best decisions on Friday, the reasons for my anger and frustration were and are still there. I think I have a right to be angry about that stuff too.
But anyway, so like today, I hung out with my mom and then with Nicky (who I felt bad because I wanted to listen to her more but I got going and found it hard to stop), and I got to see Ashley for an hour or so. Good night. Then I came to Impact. (its not synergy anymore no matter what people say so I can’t call it that). I was in a good mood. Thrilled to hear Abby’s news, wanting to chat with Kristy a bit more, joking with Matt, it was a good time. And then yet again, our resident “all eyes on me while I flirt with everyone in sight despite knowing they’re taken or not interested and make sure no one else can talk because I’m being so annoying loud”, started in and I’m just like wow, really. I’m just really over this whole group. Like, I caught the end of the video shown and really…where is the talk afterwards about actually doing something? During the lesson its yeah, let’s take chances and risks in life and accomplish great things for God, yet within 5 minutes, you’d never know the focus is there. I’m just done.
Now I’m looking forward to the retreat, people I want to hang out with will be there.
Moving On
So, doing better/worse since Tuesday. I’m better in the sense that I’m not so upset with some people. (namely, Kristy, Kelli, and Matt), I’m definitely upset at myself and worse because my attitude of “me, right…God/everyone else, wrong” really didn’t work out so well.
I chose to give the old bar scene (sort of) a try again, and while I only had one drink, which nowhere near began to give me a buzz, that whole atmosphere just reminded me of why I had jumped into that scene in the first place and I really hate dealing with those memories. I’ll be having nightmares for a week now.
On the positive side though, Kelli was awesome ance came over at 3am and sat with me while I cried. And if my heart is 5 sizes too small, then Matt’s is five sizes too big. But I was very glad to know that my thinking was right, teasing or not, when I need him, he’s the kind of friend who is there. The other good thing, or great thing I learned is that I really need to rely on God more.
I will give a heads up to any friends who read these, I know I could tell you I need to talk, but I’m not very good at that. So if I’m quiet or more withdrawn, please ask me what’s wrong. I usually need to talk it out, or maybe just need a hug, but I’m really not the tough girl who doesn’t need anyone. Believe me, I may seem like the badass, but I can do scared and vulnerable like nobody’s business. So please don’t think I can handle life on my own and don’t need my friends.
F*** You
Well, clearly I’m in a great mood. Let’s get a couple things straight. First, if any of my so-called friends read this, I don’t want a lecture on language or attitude or anything else. Believe me, my attitude could certainly get a whole lot worse and I’m not in the mood. Second, for anyone who thinks, wow, she talked about her faith earlier and now is going off on people. Welcome to a human being! I have complete faith that God is in control but sometimes life sucks and I’m honest enough to admit that! If you have a problem with my honesty, well then honestly you can fuck off.
Why am I so pissed, you may ask? Gee, let me think, I’m going to go with the fact that I’m stressed out over multiple things but mostly lets go with the fact that my mother just had surgery for breast cancer and let me count how many of my “friends” have asked how she or I am doing….thinking…still thinking…oh right, none. Now to be fair, only a few of my friends know she had surgery this last thursday. Not that they’ve asked about me or her. Actually when I’ve tried talking about it, the subject is changed to whatever guy they are or aren’t dating. Oh wow, I so care about that. My mother has the worst type of breast cancer at the worst possible stage and they think they’ve gotten it all this time but it could be back in 6 months and that time she might not make it.
I talk about my mom a lot and if you know me at all, you know she is the most important person in the world to me. One of my biggest goals in life is to turn out to be the kind of woman my mother is. That won’t be so easy to do if she’s not around. (good grief, i’m crying writing this fucking thing). I love her more than anything and while I may not talk about the cancer all that much, it kills me to see her having to go through this. And let’s think about how not easy it is to see your mom in a hospital bed, knowing that this isn’t something that is fixed. Once cancer is there, its always there or the ghost of it is. But I digress, so not that many friends knew about the surgery. Every stinking one of them knew she has cancer though. And not once throughout the last 8 months has one of them asked how she or I am doing. (Sorry, Shannon, I’ll exclude you from that list). I’m just guessing but I’d like to think that a true friend would realize that just because I don’t bring it up doesn’t mean I don’t freak out all the time over how many more Christmases I’m going to get. Do you people realize what its like to wonder if this is the last holiday season you’ll spend with your family? To wonder if you should remember it like that and be different or be the same as usual, fighting, joking, normal so she doesn’t feel like she could be dying? That maybe I shouldn’t have to say I need to talk about her…maybe you people should just ask me once in a fucking while. or ask how I’m doing. take a guess that maybe the tough girl/badass exterior could really use a hug. That I’m happy to listen to your bullshit but once in a while you could listen to mine. And really listen, not just nod your head until you find a good place to interrupt and talk about yourself. I mean, really!!!!
